Strong Relationships, Loosely Held
The best relationships in my life are seldom the longest ones.
One of my best friends Carolina entered my life by storm, a whirlwind of entrepreneurship and road trips in France during the summer of ‘16, topped off with some trauma bonding during the attack in Nice.
As I traveled the world the rest of that year, we’d end up calling every day; I thought of her as my remote traveling companion. But then I started working in earnest in San Francisco, and she started a serious relationship, and just like that we barely chatted for five years. Until we had a mutual friend Ameera pass away, and we touched base again. After all that time the closeness and goodwill never went away. I went to Valencia and hung out with her for a while, and once again we were the best of friends. It’s not the same youthful exuberant friendship, but a deeper closeness, and I would trust her to pick me up from the airport or help out if I’m ever in trouble.
Four Years of Making Friends
Believe you me that this is par for the course.
I spent the last four years traveling the world, spending about a month per city, hitting up 40 countries in total and all 7 continents. I put a lot of effort into making friends, something that did not come naturally to me as an introverted software engineer.
Some friends I’ll never see again. A brief few words at a language exchange in Argentina, a Hinge date in Turkey.
Some friends stay in touch in the periphery. A young man whose couch I slept on when I locked myself out of my Airbnb in Peru; he liked my Instagram story last week of a cocktail at The Fleur Room.
Some friends stay in your heart. I met Ryan in Colombia, a few drinks with some fellow travellers, and later we’d meet up again in Argentina to share some steak at El Ferroviario, and he invited me to Rio for Carnaval. That was two years ago, but last night he was back in Colombia with some Colombian friends, and sent me a video saying how they missed their Jerrycito. That inspired me to write this piece, actually.
It’s true that not every friendship turns into an epic worth talking about in your blog, but to put yourself out there, to open yourself up to opportunities and benevolence from the unlimited number of lovely humans out in the world, well that is the human experience I live for.
Human Hearts
I was talking to my friend Evangeline the other night, and we had arrived at very different theses about people in the world. She said that she no longer has time or energy to waste on people who aren’t worth it. But that just seems so cold to me, I could never. In The Courage To Be Disliked, Kishimi and Koga write about how difficult it would be to see the world where everybody is your competition. Isn’t it so much easier to see everybody as your friend?
It costs so little for me. Every person I come across in my life has a piece of my heart. And yes, it hurts a little each time someone uninvites me, stops talking to me, or rejects me. But it’s always worth it. I recover every day, and the people I love and who love me keep me afloat. Some of those people I might meet again, and I understand that they’ve been busy, no hard feelings, we’re already sharing a dinner together my brother. Offering a place in my heart did not come with a contract, I am pleased to see you if ever you have time again.
Perhaps I am lucky to have run into such pleasant people, but I like to believe most people are pleasant, and we should be gracious with open hearts. The more the world fills up with Artificial Intelligence, the more I want to stay Genuine and Human.
In the last year in New York I’ve had the fortune to meet people like Jenny, whose warmth and invitations uplift every member of her circle, Augusto, who invited me into his home as though we’d known each other for years, and Joseph, who everyone trusts and feels comfortable with for his transparency and unstoppable good-naturedness.
And they may come and go, but I will love them in the time that they are in my life. And I’m excited for the future.
Strong relationships, loosely held.
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